P4: My Sense of Wonder

Lost Coastlines - Okkervil River

(lyrics here: this song equates life to sailing on a ship and basically states that no matter where you're headed, you must never lose hope.)

I would like to be able to touch a bell
and call up my real self, the truly me,
because if I really need my proper self,
I must not allow myself to disappear.

--We Are Many by Pablo Neruda

A windmill that leads to the sky: this is the actual windmill that is mentioned at the beginning of this story

There was a windmill that creaked and swayed in the breeze. It was not particularly extraordinary, nor functional, but it was wonderful because it led to the sky. The little girl longed to climb it because she wished to touch the sky. She wanted to scurry up the windmill’s shaky limbs and press her fingers against the cotton ice of the clouds. The little girl wanted the sky to belong to her. One day, she stood at the base of the windmill in her crimson dress, and she began to climb. When she reached the top, she stretched out a chubby arm to grasp hold of the sky, but her fingers closed around only air. The little girl stood with her arms open, and tears began to form in her eyes. Then she looked across the horizon, and she saw the tops of trees that rolled on as far as she could see. She saw the tiny specks that were her parents, saw the fiery gradient of the sunset as it laid itself to rest, and she felt her heart bursting. It was beautiful. And in the presence of this beauty, she felt wonder, and she never wanted to let that feeling go.

As age six, I was constantly deferring skirts and instead favored trees to the frill of dolls

Upon hearing the prompt for this final essay, I was bewildered and terrified. I had only been searching for the answer to “who are you?” my entire life, and I did not believe I was any closer to solving the problem as a freshman in college than I was as a terrified freshman in high school. At age six, I thought I had it figured out: I was a tomboy who loved dogs. At ten, I decided that I was going to emulate Sailor Moon for the rest of my life. Then at sixteen, I knew for a fact that I was going to be a chemist. I am now at the stage of the young adult, the one who believes that she can do anything, that she is invincible from the pitfalls of life. Despite the many phases I have been through, however, I believe that we all have one defining trait that identifies who we are and how we see the world. The trait that I find to personify my person the best is my sense of wonder.

The previous topics of my papers have been that of nature and tolerance of people, two seemingly unrelated things. However, to me, they both incorporate the person who I am and the person who I wish to be: one who maintains her sense of amazement and intrigue in the world. My sense of wonder connects both my P1 and my P3 together: nature constantly inspires an amazement in the physical and spiritual world, while a tolerance of people encourages me to be constantly surprised by the effects people can have on me and the things they can accomplish.

I will never be able to look out across the horizon without being taken aback by the beauty that surrounds me

Nature is one of the biggest sources of inspiration for me. I find that it is something that cannot be explained; it reaches deep down inside and nourishes a part of me that I can only classify as my soul. I connect the natural world with the spiritual world, and I will always rely on the beauty of nature to keep me amazed, to continue to move me. The world around me motivates me to write and to think, to examine and reexamine my life and the lives of others. To me, nature represents stability and wholesomeness in this turbulent world, and I will always find solace in its breathtaking embrace.

The relationship between myself and other people proved to be one of the telling signs of my person

While my love of nature focused on the physical and spiritual side of my being, I discovered that my relationship with people also offered great amounts of revelations about who I am as a person and the emotional aspect of my self. There is a certain amount of open-mindedness that comes with interacting with people, and I believe that the goal of my P3, to incorporate tolerance into my life, has really been a change for the better. Now, instead of judging people based on what I believe they should be, I allow myself to see them as individuals with their own hopes, accomplishments, and personal goals. The more I continue to interact with different types of people, the more I find that the ability of the human race to impress me never fails: I am constantly surprised by the goodness in people, by their creativity, their passion, and their unwavering faith in those they love. The emotional faculty of a human being will always astound me.

I have kept a diary since I was in the fifth grade; I now have nine tomes of my writing

Both of these previous paper topics require that I continue to express an unbiased and almost childlike fascination of the world, and the conduit through which I can express these revelations is by writing. When I write, the being that is bursting from within myself, who longs to be infinite and to have meaning, can truly express everything that I feel. Much of my writing is fanciful and abstract, and the only explanation I can offer is that it is because I am a dreamer, but not one without agenda. While I am extremely optimistic and hopeful, I never allow myself to fall into the trap of wishing but not doing. I am constantly thinking about my future and how to make the most of it. I want to move people the way they move me, and I want to be inspired along the way. I never want to lose that wonderful curiosity and passion that so many along the way have lost.

This entire year has been a tumultuous journey of me being confused about my exact future. I can still recall hastily adding an Economics class to my schedule the day before school began in an act of desperation: I believed that I would become a business major, just for the sake of financial security. Minutes before that class began, I dropped it in a crazed frenzy; how could I ever think that I was suited to work in the business world! I realized that I want to be creative for the rest of my life. My hopes, dreams and desire to inspire and be inspired meant that I could not be happy at a job that did not require me to be continuously motivated, creative, and impassioned. I wish to do something that arouses the senses in other people, something that feeds and connects their emotions. I wish to make people feel something.

At this point, I still do not know exactly what I want to do with my life, but I do know that I never want to be tired with life. I must immerse myself in something that will keep me guessing, something that will continue to awe me at the splendor of existence, the human race, and our world in general. I want to take as much of the earth in as possible and then give it back.

The sky is a reflection of my own unlimited possibilities

It was nighttime, and the once little girl had grown into a young woman. She lay beneath the darkened ceiling of the universe and marveled at the sky, just as she had done when she was younger. This ashen expanse of sky! It promised mystery, hope, and magnificence. She took it in her, inhaled its fervent breeze, and clutched the soil beneath with a burning ardor. Just as before, she felt the overwhelming sensation building up within, that beautiful emotion of stunned astonishment at the world that lay before her. This feeling—this sense of wonder—was familiar and soothing, for it was as much a part of her as was the beat of her own heart. She knew that she belonged: she was a part of the ever-expansive world that surrounded all beings. She knew, and she was content.



Word Count (without quote): 1400

All pictures are mine/taken by me